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/grim/ - Cold, Grim & Miserable As always ideas for rules, anonymous names and better headers are always welcome, post them in the main sticky and we'll consider them.
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What am I The Phantom 18/11/21(Wed)01:59 No. 5944 ID: ad9b0c [Reply]

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Here's another typical sobstory that nobody wants to hear. Every time I recite it I can feel the vibrations of the world's tiniest orchestra playing many microviolins and microcellos, like a million buzzing bees ready to sting me as I intrude on their hive.

When I was a kid the first thing I remember was at the age of four, when I was just walking around the house by myself. I could always hear the family in the other rooms but I always found myself roaming around in the cold.

Only recently has it come back into my memory that my parents tried to teach me to paint, to play an instrument, to find myself some friends. But I was disinterested in people. I was an only child, but I loved my dog like a brother. He was disinterested in me. I loved my other dog like a sister. She always ran from me.

Dad was a cop, Mom was a firefighter. When they weren't at work, they fought. When they weren't fighting, they were sleeping.

I was four at the time, and rarely met other children, and when I did they wanted nothing to do with me.

I went into kindergarten after what felt like an eternity. I was by far the tallest, the scariest, and most scared in my class. The second of those categories being Brandon. Ms. Lipe was a fat annoying lady with glasses, her incessant storytime bored me, and as we sat there on the rug as a class, I went over to Brandon and attacked him, punching him in the eye until it was bruised and discolored.

Everybody was a bit stunned by this. They hadn't seen the kind of violence and intense rage, and neither did I, but I kept fighting until the teacher finally got the guts and bearings to pull me off, her arms around me only stirring my anger further. The class just watched as she tried her hardest to restrain me, against my clawing and biting.

Later that day I ended up in the Vice Principal's Office. He was always busy with something elsewhere at almost all times, but he was kind. I was in tears, full of fear that something bad would happen to me, but he had nothing to say. I guess he just didn't know what he could say.
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Eeyore 18/11/21(Wed)15:58 No. 5945 ID: 15d56c

>The person I was fondest of was the vice principal, cause he never saw the moments where I attacked my classmates with malice, he only saw the me that was crying and hopeless.

Eeyore 18/11/25(Sun)09:09 No. 5950 ID: aa9701

This is some weird-ass pasta, man.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)22:16 No. 5960 ID: 73ded1

ouch. mental illness is a bitch.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)07:08 No. 5959 ID: c45f73 [Reply]

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A childhood associate of mine has killed himself in a war zone.

We weren't exactly friends, but we were in school together for most of K-12 in addition to Boy Scouts and Band.

I hadn't seen him in over a decade, and on the occasion we did associate back in the day, we fought more often than we got along. This was the fat boy who had a heat stroke and had to be carried down a mountain at Scout camp. No one wanted to room with him at band camp because of the smell of his farts. He was social though; a big tough guy who was decent at sports and whose family were part of our rural hometown's tight social infrastructure. Last I saw him he had just gotten married and had a kid (not sure in which order); obituary says he had another and, I think, a different wife.

I can't say I know who he'd become in the last sixteen years; but the boy I remember had no place in a war zone. I can't help but think he was a victim of rural america's shit economy and conservative politics. He didn't go to university; I didn't ask what he was doing last we met--obituary puts him in the Army Reserves--but he'd have had few options other than service, farming, or labor. He and his family moved out of state, but not far, and where they live is exactly like where they came from--I've been there; I've lived there too. He would have been surrounded by people who see the war in the Middle East as a holy war; who celebrate local boys going out to bring freedom and the Word of Jesus to savage heathens, and who mourn them as martyrs.

I don't know why or how he killed himself; I probably never will. I can't say I feel much loss either, we never had much of a connection to start with and it was cut for many years. I won't be at his funeral to give this eulogy, and I don't think anyone would appreciate it; nonetheless it's a death close to home, even though it happened in a far-flung corner of the earth, and it gives me pause.

His death, though by his own hands, appears to me as the turning of gears in a great, heartless machine.

What wrath have we sewn? What wrath shall we reap?

Eeyore 18/06/17(Sun)13:32 No. 5829 ID: 889397 [Reply]

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If you're depressed, choke yourself. You can get high without drug. You don't need to fully hang yourself. Just use a belt to slightly strangle your neck to cut the oxygen so you enter an altered state of conciousness and can forget bad feelings. Side effects are blood clots and dark face which will go away after a week.

2 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Eeyore 18/06/18(Mon)21:01 No. 5833 ID: d28da9

yeesh. were just chilling here guys its cozy why get that way .

Eeyore 18/06/26(Tue)12:54 No. 5836 ID: a4c177

When I was suicidal I sat with a noose around my neck, it was pulled tight and I got the same feeling just from sitting with the noose around my neck.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)06:20 No. 5958 ID: 3b98a1

Yeah, I feel you.
I was near hanging myself but I pussied out before I could do it.

obsession Eeyore 18/11/26(Mon)03:39 No. 5951 ID: 2958f4 [Reply]

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can we talk about our oneitis?
who they are, who they were and what did they do to you(or what you did to them most likely)

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)06:07 No. 5953 ID: 3b98a1

I've known her for years, she was and still is my closest friend but since she's been dating a guy much much better than me things have started going south.
I'm not angry or anything, I don't even thing it is love what I feel, I just want to stop feeling this awful.

Eeyore 18/11/28(Wed)06:14 No. 5955 ID: f8e2f9

We've known each other for a couple years...met on Facebook actually. At the beginning of 2018 she flew out to meet me in person. We fell in love instantly, flying back and forth to see each other for weeks at a time. Eventually I moved to her city to be with her. Asked her to marry me. Everything was great.
Then all of a sudden one day she became a different person. Flipped out, threw me out of our apartment. Straight up dumped me. Turns out she wanted to get back with her shitstain ex.
And I lost everything. My soon-to-be-wife, the children we were trying to conceive, my new city (and with it my great new job), pretty much my future. I know it's wrong to base all of your happiness on another person but we were so in love, or so I thought. and she was the key to everything.
Now I'm broken, lost, and think of killing myself every day.
This was 3 months ago.

Eeyore 18/10/10(Wed)08:12 No. 5914 ID: cb0322 [Reply]

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I have a bit over 20 pills of risperdal and sertraline. If i took those both and then tied a plastic bag around my head would i be able to die without unconsciously tearing the bag off?

Eeyore 18/10/22(Mon)16:19 No. 5926 ID: 86c92e

No youd have seizures for hours it might not even kill you

Eeyore 18/11/19(Mon)11:51 No. 5941 ID: 483806

he's planning to die of suffocation; the overdose is intended to disrupt his survival instincts and/or motor skills.

nonetheless I have to agree, this is probably not a good idea; you may just end up vegetablized.

Ranting I guess Eeyore 18/10/28(Sun)18:15 No. 5931 ID: a9c397 [Reply]

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I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in such mental anguish but I don't know why and I have no one to talk to it about. I don't feel like a real person anymore, I don't have a personality I just respond to stimuli. Everyone thinks I'm happy because I act that way so I don't get pity. I'm so normal, I don't have anything to really complain about but for some reason I'm just so tired. I feel so different and separate from anyone. I don't know what I want and I don't know my opinions. I think I'm special but I know I'm not. I wish I was special, if such a thing existed.

Sorry for posting this, I just needed to get it off my back.

Advice could help but I don't expect it, thanks.

Eeyore 18/10/29(Mon)03:29 No. 5932 ID: ea1058

I know exactly how you feel... The only thing we can really do is to fully commit ourselves to this "autopilot" mode. There is no hope, there never was any. Be free of all illusions. Let yourself go. All that will remain would be an empty husk and you shall finally be rid of this suffering.

The state between wanting to live and wanting to die joseppeli 18/09/02(Sun)06:24 No. 5884 ID: c727eb [Reply]

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hey, I’m a 14 y/o depressed cunt. I’ve been dealing with mental issues including chronic&severe depression, anxiety, adhd, ocd, and other generalized diagnosis since about age 5 or 6. I’ve been dealing with this feeling of “gray” for a while now. I’ve been stuck between craving death and holding onto life. I would say I have a very privileged and enjoyable life, but me being an ungrateful cunt I still want to die. What I’m here to ask is how can I pick a side. What helps push you to the edge of death, or helps you grab back onto life. I hope you all are having a good day, or you are doing better.

3 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
Eeyore 18/09/26(Wed)23:47 No. 5902 ID: 8164ff

Think about this long and hard--something is missing from your life. What is it you crave that you believe you can never have? Death isn't a solution, it's a workaround.

Like >>5895, I felt like you in my teens as well. It passed, after I overcame my expectations. It was hard, grueling work--emotionally dragging myself through barbed wire across a battlefield--but I began to feel whole again.

Eeyore 18/10/02(Tue)02:30 No. 5904 ID: bb0954

Mate, I lived that way. Hard. I guess the difference might be that my mother and sisters were emotionally abusing me for being born a male. It gets better. Try to hold on until you get your independence. That is all I can truly offer, but still, please, don't decide at that age. At least get your feet under you and grow to be an adult before you do that. Please.

Eeyore 18/10/08(Mon)00:00 No. 5912 ID: c8555b

For me, i was just too afraid of what the afterlife was. It was the fear of the unknown when i was your age, and even now. I was a coward.

Eeyore 18/09/18(Tue)17:38 No. 5893 ID: c33f56 [Reply]

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HBO has a set of documentaries called "Paradise Lost" about three teenagers who were wrongly accused of killing two boys in a Satanic ritual. Give me your best grim stuff.

Eeyore 18/10/02(Tue)16:08 No. 5907 ID: b5173e

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Stalker (1979)

Eeyore 18/10/02(Tue)17:53 No. 5908 ID: e2fbd5

A little off topic, but I know the case you are talking about--I followed it for years. I was ten when they were sentenced, but already an outcast in elementary school. They were targeted because they were the most easily rejectable members of their community. This must have been what the Salem witch trials were like. Even now it disturbs me to think how easily anyone can go from socially awkward to scapegoat sentenced to death.

issues? nonymous 18/09/24(Mon)04:18 No. 5900 ID: 3760d6 [Reply]

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it been long time i think that government watch me but not soon enough i think that thing get to my head. whether demonic or not i see idea like social darwinism and other idea like it fine but i am not against violence. it is key to society. is there issue in that thoughts or am i on the right path?

I just lost all my friends AMA Eeyore 18/09/16(Sun)08:11 No. 5890 ID: 93a374 [Reply]

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heyyo !
i'm in a real dark spot ,im thinking i may be bipolar the way i flipped out ,i just coming to the realization that i can not befriend anyone you know? like i get this episodes when i just start to overthink shit about what am i worth you know ?
i'd like to hear your stories too

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