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Eeyore 16/12/09(Fri)20:16 No. 5217 ID: 1f2240
5217

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Here is a list of a few random things that cause my anxiety to explode
In no particular order

-If my living space is untidy
-Other peoples cleaning / organization
-If my laundry, clean or dirty, is touched by anyone but me
-Touching anything that my mother has touched
-A good majority of social situations
-Having friends, keeping friends, losing friends
-Babies and children
-Cancelled plans
-Untimely or late message responses
-Minor misunderstandings

Whether I be sitting in saddness, in disgust, or in hatred,
These are a few things that I have flung myself into the sun over.
Or have a little "meltdown", simply put.

What anxieties are consuming you?


>>
Eeyore 16/12/09(Fri)21:46 No. 5218 ID: 045762
5218

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>>5217
-When my living space gets messy, it erodes my self-confidence; makes me feel like I never get anything done, not even the dishes--so what does it matter if i even try (seems to be the beginning of every depressive phase, my apartment fills up with trash, dishes start to stink, I fall into a hole).

-When other people violate the unwritten rules and rituals I live by (like taking another glass for a drink instead of reuisng the one they have) I experience almost uncontrollable outbursts of anger (I've actually thrown people out, abruptly and without explanation, for doing this).

-When someone does something the wrong way and it's obvious they simply don't care if there's an easier, more efficient, or more effective way to do it I visualize strangling them to death and it starts a little seed of hatred for that person that will never go away (and it seems to be a hallmark trait of people who work in management--even if they are good managers, when they don't delegate a task they tend to do it themselves in the worst posssible way and then walk away confident in their having "got it done").

-Talking to people in positions of power over me who do not acknowledge their privileges and yet subject me to their whims makes me acutely nauseous (also managers, but in my case particularly the people who sponsor my visa who never seem to be aware that I have to stay in their good graces--personally and professionally--lest I be thrown all they way back to my home country).

-Having unanswered calls, unreplied messages, etc induces a kind of paralysis in me; I can't return people's inquires because I assume they already hold me in contempt and don't want to face whatever consequences they have prepared (which happens to me on a daily basis--everything from having to listen to twenty minutes of scolding for not interrupting my work to answer a personal call to fired for not replying to an e-mail for five minutes--every day; I wish I were making it up).

-Time itself induces me to panic almost constantly. I often wake up with a jump--to my feet, sometimes an hour before my alarm wtih my heart racing while I desperately try to figure out what day and time it is and what I think I should be doing. I catch myself avoiding looking at clocks when I know that it's getting close to the last minute, which is partly why I put clocks in every room of my apartment in positions such that it is possible to see the time from any angle, anywhere (there's even a clock in my bathroom I can see from outside the apartment). Whenever I have time off I don't relax or enjoy it; my heart races and I check and recheck my schedules to make sure I really have the time off. It's not that I want so much to be working, but that I am extremely uneasy about having unoccupied time as nearly all of my time is occupied by work or other responsibilites--being bored invariably means I have forgotten something I have to do immediately.

-Any inconvenience when I am in a hurry is likely to cause me to snap into a full-on ragestorm. If something makes me stumble, or gets stuck to a thing I need and won't let go, or fails me in a critical moment I'll smash it into as many pieces as possible right there and then (a keyboard and several alarm clocks have died this way, as well as numerous hangers, a couple of dishes and some doors were also heavily damaged)--screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs all the while, and sometimes I keep screaming after for quite a while. My father was like this too and--although I've promised myself that I won't turn out like him--it only seems to be getting worse with age.

-Procrastination is cancer to me. There are so many things I started, or intended to start, and have not finished for a litany of excuses. Some things have been literally collecting dust for years now, waiting for the day when I'm going to have both the opportunity and the motivation to get back to them. Almost every day I'll think of some great idea I should get to work on asap and then not ever do anything, only to find myself wondering a week later why I haven't done that as opportunites pass me by--but it's not as simple as laziness: The longer I put things off, the heavier and more loathsome they become, until the very thought of working on them makes me depressed.


>>
Eeyore 17/03/29(Wed)07:25 No. 5366 ID: bc26ee

>>5217
Ive had really bad social anxiety for nearly ten years and i find it all comes down to the idea that a small series of misunderstandings can domino out of control. Unusually it just leads to awkward silences and other people pulling away, but I've lost jobs because of this. Anything can cause anxiety if shit goes down.




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