Cardio.

nut the fuck up or shut the fuck up

Buckle Up.

Avoid bathrooms.

1) Keep your shotgun loaded. Always. If you can't, your back up better be fucking good.
2) Be in a large group of people with firearms at all times.
3) There is no problem in the world that can't be solved with the careful application of high explosives.

Twinkies have an expiration date.

kill the geeky kid from Ohio so that when you meet a hot teenager they don't get attached to each other and you actually have a chance of getting laid ever again

1: Make sure your primary weapon can fulfill several roles, like my Armalite. It works for close-quarters, anti-survivor, and as a medium-to-long range weapon.

2: Shotguns, although powerful, have more drawbacks than advantages. The same is true for bolt-action rifles and revolvers.

3: When choosing a handgun, magazine capacity and caliber are important choices. Something in 9mm, .45 or .40 is your best choice for a multi-purpose handgun. Magazine capacity should preferably be over 10 rounds, and the weapon itself should be easy for you to use and carry for extended periods of time.

4: Melee weapons are absolute last-resort gear. Generally, you'll want something that's heavy enough to deliver a good, powerful blow, but light enough to carry and use for long periods of time, and so that a missed swing won't throw you off-balance. Swords and bladed weapons in general are a bad idea. Severing a head is NEVER as easy as Hollywood and anime makes it look.

5: When choosing ANY firearm, ammunition availability WILL be a concern. You don't want to take a gun chambered in some obscure/expensive/hard to find round like the Desert Eagle (Jacketed magnum ammo is a BITCH to find) or the S&W 500 (That shit runs upwards of $1/round in some areas, and has got to be one of the stupidest handgun rounds ever designed). Weapons chambered in .223, .308 Winchester, 7.62x39 (for rifles), 9mm, .40, and .45 ACP for handguns, and 12 or 20 gauge shotguns are preferred.

6: Raiding the gun store is only likely to get you killed, even if you wait until most of the population has been infected. If you aren't prepared, pray to God you can GET prepared damn quick, otherwise, just off yourself, save someone else the trouble of re-killing you.

7: A well-fortified base is always a good idea, but an easily-executable backup plan is needed. This can be as simple as running out back and jumping into your boat and heading downriver, or as complex as heading to the nearest military base and stealing a Cobra attack helo, but it WILL save your life.


This is it for now. Got customers to serve and work to do. Will update later.

stay away from hot chicks crouching in the corner, they'll fuck you up

>>20958
i have a Glock 18c and a S&W .500 with 200 rounds for the glock and 100 for the .500.
So i strap 'em on and go.
Thats my strategy.

>>20931
DONT EVER MENTION BATHROOMS EVER AGAIN.

KATANAS ARE FOR FAGGOTS

Sinner's General Anti-Zombie Rules


1. Be Prepared. Having a bug-out bag is a good idea, regardless of the situation.

2. Find Shelter.* Protection from the elements and from whatever might get thrown at you is something that should be high on your priority list.

3. Defend and Run, Don't Attack. Unless you can't get away, don't waste precious calories fighting. This rule is superceded by anythign marked with a asterisk.

4. Double Check. This goes for -everything-. If you are unsure, and have time, double, or even triple check something.

5. Know your limits. If you can do something,t hen do it, if you can't figgure a way around it.

6. Buddy System. Small groups, 3-8 seems like a safe number. Each person should be good at what they do, focused, and aware of the possible challenges.

7. Democracy. Arguing wastes calories. Vote it out.

8. Secure food.* Food is important. Be sure to stockpile it when you can, so that in times of need, you are not left short. It also is valuable as currency.

9. Water is Gold.* Find water, purify it however you can, and keep a hold on it for as long as you can.

10. Barter. Be prepared to trade for goods and services; money is unreliable in disasters.

11. Know your worth. If you can do things that are useful, they are an asset. If you have addictions or medical conditions, they are a liability.

12. Hostile Civility. Be polite, but hold a dangerous weapon. Make it clear you do not intend to harm anyone, so long as they keep themselves well-behaved.

13. Think logically. Sentimentality is a liability.

14. Bullshit Detector. Turn it up to 11, at all times.

15. Expect the Worst. Always be as prepared as you can for the most horrible things to happen to you, for no particular reason other than that your God hates you. Rejoice when they don't.

16. Laws do badly without policemen. Immediately esablish a set of governing rules in any group, so that there are fewer issues later.

17. Always 2 guards. Or more. At all times.

18. Armor. Armor. Armor.

19. A man's worth determines how far his comrades should go to save him. Leave the fat frat fucker, but risk your ass to save the only engineer you know.

20. Avoid Hotspots. Walmart, Home Depot, Walgreens, Gorcery Stores. This is where everyone else is headed, and you can be sure that some of them have automatic weapons and itchy fingers.

21. Explosives are easier to manufacture than guns or ammo. Prepare accordingly.

22. Fire deters. Fire is not a sure-kill. It's simply a deterrent, if that.

>>20969
Pics or bullshit, dude. Even IF your "Glock 18c" is the actual select-fire model (which I fucking doubt, because it's almost impossible to get ahold of in the US without jumping through an ass-ton of legal hoops), you had better have damn good trigger discipline.


>>20958
Rule 8: Automatic weapons are only good for getting rid of lots of ammo in a hurry. If your rifle has a fire selector, disable the full-auto capability. If you don't know how, find someone that can, and have it done ASAP. This rule does not apply for burst-fire only weapons, like the M16A2.

Rule 3 addendum: No matter what handgun you choose, get proficient with the double-tap technique. Learn to do it and do it well. There is NO guarantee that a single round will put Zack on his ass. When in doubt, fire twice. If you're using a .22, ANY .22, fire 3 or four rounds into Zack's brainpan. I don't care what you see in the movies or even in reality. A .22 is the most likely of all rounds to require a second, third, or even a fifth shot to make sure the target STAYS down.

Rule 9: Only carry as much as you can without slowing you down too much. If you can't run, you WILL die, plain and simple. Mobility is important no matter who or what you're fighting. Mobility and speed are quite possibly your two greatest assets come Z-day, right along side your stockpile of guns and ammo.

Rule 9A: Carry a maximum of 4 weapons, and a minimum of two, in addition to your melee weapon, at all times, day and night. There will come a time when you won't have time to reload your shotgun, revolver, rifle, or whatever you're using at that moment. It's better to drop that weapon and bring up another than it is to die.

Rule 10: Keep your weapons loaded and Condition One AT ALL TIMES. Practice tactical reloading, and NEVER let your guard down. It happens in the movies, it happens in reality, it WILL HAPPEN NOW.

If she's still warmish or reasonably intact, apply chains, secure to table, fuck like mad.

>>21088
Stay away from people like this

>>21088
Associate with people like this

>>21088
Be a person like this

1)Be creative, make some new weapons (Shotty whip)
2)Stockpile, or you're done for.
3)Be prepred (I have a 12 guage in my attic)
4)Don't Panic.

Wear a condom.

1. watch your back, preferably have someone else watch your back for you.
2. keep your gun loaded.
3. check others for bites/any sign of infection frequently.
4. conserve
5. avoid heavily populated areas
6. if in doubt, get the fuck out.

XRate's Rules For Surviving Z-Day.

Rule 1. Dont wait for the zombies to come feasting to learn the basics. Everyone should know how to use basic tools quickly and efficiently. This means power drills. Hammers and Nails. Nail guns. and the likes. This also applies to weapons. When the Undead are at your door. its NOT the time to be learning how to shoot a gun.

Rule 2. If You really love them, don't hesitate to kill them if they become infected. (IE. Parents, Siblings, Friends.) We would all rather die with a bullet to the head than to turn into the undead.

Rule 3. Observe the land. Always think of the fastest and most effective way to get from point A to point B. But also take into consideration obstacles that will slow down or stop any pursuing zombie or enraged survivor.

Rule 4. As rule 3 suggests. Dont trust anyone. Especially the crazy bitch in the back with a bible talking about judgement day. Fear breeds chaos.

Rule 5. Keep a level head. understand how you and your group functions and then go about any task in the best possible way. Panic is a sure fire way to fuck up and get zombie chow'd

Rule 6. Know when to keep it in, and when to let it out. Anger and rage have been known to cause people to do extraordinary things. Extra strength, speed, agility. And others. But when your in a frenzy, you cant think right. Learn to control your anger, and unleash it when your outnumbered 10 to 1. Go Ape-Shit.

Rule 7. Get comfortable, not sloppy. You don't know how long your going to be sitting this Zombie thing out. So be sure that when you can, get the rest and relaxation you need. While your armour might be bite proof. It probably hurts like a bitch. So when you get the chance, take it off for a quick minuet to relax the muscles. (Note: By following this Rule you agree not to hold me responsible for any death and or Injury or infection that may occur.) However, Not everyone in the group should relax at the same time. For security Reasons.

Rule 8. Keep it easy. Sure, your super awesome weapon or armour may be the greatest thing ever against the zombies. but if it takes a long time to get it ready, its probably not worth it. Armour should be easy to get on and off, but still provide good protection. Whereas Weapons should be easy to fire, and quick to reload, but still make good zombie repellent.

Rule 9. Elevation. While zombies can probably climb stairs. They cannot climb ladders. And lets say one zombie learns. Most ladders are mobile. So when you get to the top. pull the ladder up with you. Zombies also cannot work electronics. So Elevators are a good choice. However most places that have an elevator, have stairs.

Rule 10. Good Doors Vs. Bad Doors. A good door is one that has an easy to use locking mechanism. By easy to use I mean one you can lock and unlock quickly. The door should also be solid, made of wood or metal. Not hollow, nor glass. Regular door knobs can be turned by a zombie. However some types cannot. *Sliding Glass Doors are BAD. So are all windows.*

Rule 11. Population. Be mindful of where you are. (City, state.) smaller population is better. but Also be careful of how many people are in your group/colony. You need to have enough to fight and survive well. but the more you have, the better chance of someone getting zombiefied. without your knowledge.

Rule 12. Stick with what you know. And where you know. You have a better chance of survival in a place that you know by heart. also, if your good with a shotgun, don't pick up a pistol (unless necessary) and vise-versa.

Rule 13. Your Vehicle and You. Automatics are better than sticks in most cases. If the zombies turn out like Rage, and you don't put a .44 hole in your head. then remember that a small mistake like dumping the clutch and stalling the car, can get your ass killed.

Rule 14. Zombies dont feel pain. but do have the physical limitations humans do. Now this is where we bring in fire. Normal fire. like from a Molotov cocktail. BAD IDEA. This doesn't burn hot enough to be very effective, and now instead of a normal zombie. You have a FLAMING ZOMBIE after your brains. However, things like napalm, burn hot enough and fast enough to scorch through the muscle. No muscle means no movement. They are zombies not skeletons.

Rule 15. As in rule 14, the same goes for cold. temperatures below Degrees Fahrenheit can cause the zombie to slow. and possibly even freeze. they have no body heat, and thus more susceptible to cold. (Note: Liquid Nitrogen works well here.)

Rule 16. The Dead wont miss there belongings. Don't kill a survivor for his stuff. but take all you want from the abandoned shop down the street. even if that means killing the zombie behind the counter.

Rule 17. Electricity. The Energy grid will only last a couple weeks after Z-day. Use this time to access things like Gas pumps. No electricity means no hot water too, so get things like portable generators.

Rule 18. Education. Upon Z-day knowing simple things like how to make a siphon, or a pump system. These things might not save your life for the initial attack but will increase chances of long term survival.

Rule 19. Pig out! Certain food items. like produce and ice cream and other things tend to go bad quickly. So Ration everything that lasts longer than a week. Otherwise eat until your full. (Note: over gorging yourself can cause slugging reaction times and lowered stamina. be careful not to eat too much.)

Rule 20. The single most important rule of the all. Fight like you have something to fight for. Self preservation isn't the only reason to obliterate the masses of undead. But saving the girl, or your buddy, might just be that little bit extra that you need to strike down that last zombie.

Yknow the rules you hear in zombie land are actually pretty sound... if your unhealthy and cant run until you can hide or get away you will probably die. If one bullet puts it down two or three keeps it down... I will follow these rules once the Shit hits the fan.

I hate how the movie never got to rule 34. Man was i hoping for it...

>>21176
>smokes don't fuck you up

1. stay armed: kill them before they kill you
2. stay protected: wear bite resistant materials, so that an initial attack can be survived.
3. find a safe place to sleep: you can't fight if you're exhaunsted.
4. Fortify and protect your position: fortifications should be permanent, food available.
5. Survivors: treat them with respect. if someone can help, let them in.
6. If zombification proves spreadable, kill the infected before they turn: simple fucking logic. it's a better thing to kill a friend than let them become a zombie. Merciful, even.
7. wait till winter: that's when shit's done.

No. 1: dont ANYTHING in the dark if possible
2: if you have to SOMETHING in the dark, watch the fuck out.
3: before noon, pick a sleep area and have a 1mi. radius around it zom-free, and board up the area for added protection before dark
4: if u have friends, stay with them until a bite.
5:if friend or companion had a bite, give them a weapon that isnt the best, or give them a timed release bomb and leave them to their fate, they might actually get some zombies before they turn
6:if you were bit, be honest about it, and give your testimony and will
7:be a hero, not an hero
8:be conservative with supplies, but not so much with bullets. this does not mean shoot randomly at noises.
9: dont be near animals, turned or not
10:kill every zombie you see when possible
11:clear entire towns, but avoid the larger cities.
12:keep record for the possibility of future generations, along with an alphabet and dictionary
13:curb stomp every zed
14:wear protectives at all times
15:believe in something, like God or ether. (heh)
16:if in groups, use watches in multiples

>>22129
>kill every zombie you see when possible

Do you know how insanely stupid that is? If you're travelling and a zed doesn't notice you, and you're not going to be around said zed when you're sleeping - let it be.

Killing it would just bring unwanted attention to yourself and you're down one bullet.

Think of a small town, how many people live there? 50,000?. You'd have to waste around 3,000 magazines from a basic 9mm pistol, and that's if every shot is a one hit kill.

You wont be able to find that much, or carry it.


So... Unless they strike first, leave them be. If you're thinking 'but it's one less that can horde us'; once you're surrounded with no chance of an escape but killing them all, its inevitable, just shoot yourself and get it over with.

1: Never team up with anyone, they will just turn on you.

>>22138
ever heard of traps, or using your head ?

32. Don't scare the twitchy, jumpy kid. He WILL shoot you. RIP Bill Murray...

I dont do rules...
Lock n' load baby.

>>22539
can't believe they killed him like that, fucking asshole directors

there is one rule that i think should be include never ever giv a stranger a gun because it wont be as pretty as zombieland where they just strand you so the story can continue they will probably fuckin kill you say they can take your shit and make sure that you dont comeback for revenge

alright i believe that the rules about avoiding hot spots like big stores and gun stores are stupid because no matter what when time of the zombies come you will eventually have to head to these places because what you need is only gonna be there so you will hav to be lucky or hope you have a painless death and this just doesnt go with this rule this goes with all rules because there are gonna be sometimes were you will have to do something stupid and get lucky or you are gonna die anyways

1 Use a gun

2 If that don't work...use more gun


In all seriousness though, the best thing to do is to stay home.

Flood your bathtub. All means of resources will probably be cut off, you'll be glad you have extra water.

Keep your group small, ideally 3-6 people.

Eat all perishable food first. When raiding a house my rule is eat any fruit, veggies, or left over refrigerated food immediately if you desire. Canned foods and jerky good.

Automatic weapon sound good but they are bad. Semi auto rifles and civilian model smg's (they cannot fire full auto) are the best. One person in your group needs a shotgun. It's not meant to kill the zombies, it's meant to push them back. Bolt action rifles are ehh. You can't fire fast but that also means your going to make your shots count. .22 rifles and handguns = win.

Personally, my dream weapons that I could realistically get would be
-M1 carbine 30 round magazine
-Remington 870 high capacity tube
-.22 handgun

I don't want an AR-15 or any guns made from plastic. the M1 carbine is made from wood, steal, democracy and cocks. I am really strong so i can easily hold two weapons
The Remington 870 can...be used for everything, its a shotgun.
.22 handgun has high capacity. Also the .22 has just enough force to penetrate the skull, but not enough to exit causing the round to ricochet utterly destroying the brain.

Travel in the day. You have more visibility. Zombies see just as well at night as they do during the day.

Bikes and sometimes dirt bikes are best for travel. Streets and freeways are going to be littered with abandoned cars so small vehicles are encouraged. Bikes also don't need gas.

Machetes and crowbars are the best melee weapon

My personal rule. When a fellow comrade gets bit, don't shoot him. instead give him a gun and extra ammo, let him go out in a blaze of glory and take out as many zombies as possible.

>>24073
Way to Zombie Survival Guide

>>24073
>>24073
Give him a gun and more ammo? Why? I would feel like that extra gun could go to extra use same with ammo why? Not everyone will be rolling in ammo.

take interest in the 12 year old girl more then the teenager

Make sure you keep the presidents daughter around, and if she gets annoying don't worry she'll be re kid napped long enough for you to fight a boss then rescue her. Use your thermal scope or a fire grenade on the spikey guys.

Am I the only guy here who would lie about being infected so I can stay alive? Even if I won't be alive, I'll be alive, so no, I'm not fucking infected.

>>24116

Take them both.

>>24147

Any request to join my group is consent to an immediate strip search.

1. Dont stray too far from other players
2. Take the pump action and pipe bomb, fuck the sub and molotov
3. Tanks end the round
4. Dont set hunters on fire
5. You will not win the round chilling back and sniping with the hunting rifle
6. Save your fucking teamates when a hunter or smoker has them
7. Save you medkits, heal yourself unless it is absolutely necessary
8. kick ass players

oh wait...

I'm surprised no one said "Rule #2 Double Tap"


>>21022 sort of said it

Rule 1. Answer the alarm swiftly
2. Start the fire swifty
3. Burn everything
4. Report back to firehouse immediately
5. Stand alert for other alarms
6. No Gays

RULE 1

Form a team. an ideal team consists of
a. you
b. woman
c. another woman
d. someone who can hotwire a car

RULE 2
Form a plan for where your going to go. For me i'd have to get weapons first and then take shelter in a home depot for a fort.

RULE 3

Food guys, you need to not hoard the food like the fatties some of you are, keep food for your team and eat to live not live to eat

RULE 4

murder will be common so don't dwell on the women,children, and men who tried to kill you. this is preservation, not a fucking option

RULE 5

women are awesome for therapy and calming you so treat a girl right and you will thank me.

RULE 6

DONT GET THE BITCH PREGNANT! USE A CONDOM! preggo is
dead-o

RULE 7

have weapons that use the same ammo type.
shits gonna suck when you faggoty shotgun runs out of shells and your friends AK-47 is fine. ammo is more precious than gold so have an ample amount of one type

RULE 8

Shotguns look useful, but are shit. and chances are you cant handle the recoil so stick to

a good old machine gun

RULE 9

Keep in shape, eat fiber sleep 8 hours keep your head

RULE 10

its apparent that you need a flashlight. zombies are just like owls. they can kill you during the day but prefer the night because the know thats your sleepy time.

RULE 11

assuming you have one woman in your party.
DONT BE A FAGGOT SHE ISNT YOUR GIRLFRIEND SHE'S EVERYONES GIRLFRIEND. as a woman she must keep the men from blowing their brains out by fucking them.

RULE 12

you aren't cool you are a warrior.
just because you killed does not mean you need to make it seem like your fucking badass. zombies were people too.

RULE 13.

weeaboo's have at least one thing right. keep a sword. they are light and they are like big knives

RULE 14

You no longer have a mother or father you were created to further humanity and as such you need no reason to be a pussy and cry when you kill your mother.
once you see a zombie you purge that last bit of negative feelings besides rage

>>24366
>RULE 8
Shotguns look useful, but are shit. and chances are you cant handle the recoil so stick to
a good old machine gun<
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

>>24368
>during the day but prefer the night because the know thats your sleepy time.

>day but prefer the night
>prefer

RULE 13.
weeaboo's have at least one thing right. keep a sword. they are light and they are like big knives

zombies were people too

GOD IM SO HAPPY I READ THIS SHIT

>>24444

Thankfully, You'll be one of the first to die on Z-Day. Misplaced confidence + "OH SHIT MY SWORD'S STUCK"

Rule 1:
Doing what everyone else does will get you killed how everyone else dies.

Rule 2:
Don't forget science.

Rule 3:
Morals do not apply to other survivors, but ethics do.
Rule 3a: Ethics do not apply to zombies.

Rule 1.

Move to Alaska. Zombies don't have body heat and zombiesicles can't move.

Rule 2.

Bring a chainsword to get you there.

Beware of other survivors. They can be fucked up, they can fuck up, both of which can fuck YOU over

>>24448
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
swing a sword in a hallway and dont hit the walls or ceiling

>>24448
>>24444 was criticism of >>24368

Awww good thread, this is while I'm traveling. (mostly on foot, possibly in vehicle)

My 10 simple rules:

1) Don't trust anyone.
2) Keep a handgun with you at all times.
3) Have a plan B at all times.
4) Keep a sword.
5) No loud noises, stay quiet.
6) Do not sleep in open areas. Keep hidden in small secluded areas, such as a small bedroom.
7) When "shopping" grab only the important nutritional foods.
8) Keep an easy to read map in your inventory.
9) Take care of your feet in every way.
10) Don't fall in love.

1)Find female zombie
2)Knock out teeth and rip off fingernails
3)Zip-tie that bitch down
4)Copious amounts of Lube
5)????????
6)PROFIT!

Rule #1: Don't team up with /zom/, they'll just get you eating a-fucking-live.