>>22233

I think the conflict is easily understandable. She didn't really understand that she would get wet and was embarrassed when he mentioned it. She may even think that he thought she was peeing.

It doesn't seem to be the sort of thing that would sustain a lot of tension for very long. With Sara not providing the sexual tension she had earlier in the story, you'll need another source. The only other character in the story is her brother. He's set up perfectly, but some of those chapters may not be fun.

>>22251

Dunno how forced it can be, given the foreshadowing from previous instances where she suddenly ran off while he was touching her. He just got surprised, blurted out the wrong thing, and she wigged out.

More will come, when and as I'm inspired to write. What with changing jobs, having to deal with health issues and going to court over my psycho ex, I've been really wrung out over the last couple months and need to recharge the batteries.

But I'm starting to feel the urge to write again...

>>22274


That's great. This is a good story, and it deserves to be written. I wouldn't take criticism too seriously though. I like the story, and while I was a little disappointed at the last chapter, (a little short, and yeah, I kind of wanted to see more happen than really did), I'm still thrilled to see where it goes! Keep it up! Fans are waiting!

interesing...

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Just found this thread today, and oh my god. This is the best piece of elit I've ever read. OP, please keep doing what you're doing and don't listen to anyone else. I LOVE the slow pace and hints of romance. Will be checking this thread every day now. Also, as a self proclaimed artist I took the liberty to make a few sketches of the scenes from your story.